What Every Relationship Needs

 
Most people take relationship advice from their friends, moms, and Cosmopolitan magazine. The Bible isn't usually seen as an option: it's just an outdated rule book with lists of commands and expectations. Take the fruit of the Spirit for example. For years I saw it as a nice list of good qualities good Christians should have. It was a bunch of stuff I needed to work on. It didn't have much to offer me except an undertone of guilt. And I think that’s where most people get stuck.

“Love? I’m pretty good at that. Joy? Sometimes- I’ll give it 50%. Patience? How about let’s not go there. . . ” 

But wait! I have good news: there is so much more to it than that. Will you let me show

you a better way? Here’s a great passage from Galatians that will help us get started:  

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
{Galatians 5:13-26}   

I love, love, love how this passage starts out. We were called to be free! Last week’s post HERE talks all about the good stuff in verses 13 and 14. Check it out!

We have the freedom to choose our actions, and Jesus has set us free from the power of sin. Knowing both those truths, we can choose one of the two approaches to life: indulging ourselves or serving others. It’s the acts of the flesh vs. the fruit of the spirit, and man, is it a fight. Let’s go a little deeper in contrasting the two sides and seeing how they’re played out in real life.

The fruit of the spirit:
We can learn two things from the very phrase ‘the fruit of the spirit.” One, these qualities come solely from the Holy Spirit. After all, it’s not called ‘the fruit of me.’ It’s got nothing to do with our perceived inner goodness or holiness or whatever. It’s all from the spirit.

Second, developing this fruit takes time. Growing an apple tree and getting it to the point where it actually makes apples takes many, many years and a lot of care. It’s the same with the fruit of the spirit: it takes patience and intentionality. To allow it to grow, we must walk by the spirit daily, keep in step with the spirit. It’s not about breaking it down into goals and distinct areas to improve on. Rather, God will grow us more towards his likeness and bring our hearts to a condition more like his in every way. That’s how this fruit will start flowing out of our lives.

And oh, the fruit is amazing! Go back to verses 22 and 23 and re-read that list. Those qualities are powerful for you and the people in your life. Possessing them makes living easier and more enjoyable. They enable you to let go, to become carefree and unconcerned about yourself. They help you connect with people and build deep relationships. THIS is what every relationship needs, what every relationship will thrive on. When others experience how valued and loved you make them feel, they realize the very character of Jesus- and that’s worth everything!
 
The acts of the flesh
Now to switch gears entirely, let’s talk about acts of the flesh. The very word “acts” suggests impulsive actions, dependent on your state of mind. The flesh makes a demand, and you follow. The list of acts is in verses 19-21, go ahead and read it again. Yuck, right?

When we live like that, everyone gets hurt. We’ll crumble from the inside out. Our selfishness will strangle our concern for others. Tension will slowly build up to explosive fights, punctuated in cut-off relationships. We’ll either become disgusted with ourselves or blinded to reality. People won’t want anything to do with us; few friendships will last. All your relationships will fall apart when saturated in this attitude. And worst of all, we’ll be forced to distance ourselves from God. A life like that can’t coexist with a heart that seeks its Creator.
 

Now that we see what the two sides look like, it’s easy to understand verse 17: “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” The flesh will always hate what the spirit does, and the spirit will always hate what the flesh does. They will constantly be at war with each other, battling for your loyalty.

So how in the world should we approach this?

First off, ask this: who is going to have control: you or Christ? The passage tells us that we can’t do whatever we want: just because something seems appealing and even good in the moment doesn’t mean it is. We’ve all experienced that.

But then the passage gets a little weird: to follow Christ, we’re supposed to have crucified our flesh? Like, nails-and-a-cross sort of thing? “That’s. . . quite nasty,” you say. And yes, I would have to agree- if it actually meant asking a friend to nail you to a piece of wood. But thank goodness that this, like many other passages in the Bible, was meant to be taken as an analogy.

When Jesus died, he died to conquer sin. His death defeated its power and its outcome. His body on the cross represents this amazing truth! We can identify with and participate in this by putting our flesh (our old, sinful desires) to death.

When Jesus rose from the dead, he rose to give us new life. He didn’t just defeat sin and leave us there, neutral. Rather, he brought about a whole new way. A whole new way to know him, to live, to love others: all orchestrated by the Holy Spirit working in us. In the same way, we don’t just crucify our flesh and walk away as hollowed-out, neutral bodies. That empty space is immediately filled up with Christ himself!  I’m so excited for you to read this verse:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. {Galatians 2:20}

Isn’t that amazing?! We get to invite Christ to live in us and work in us! We’re able to put our old, natural desires and passions to death! Acts of the flesh will become way less appealing when the flesh is dead.

But remember it’s still a fight, and there’s no such thing as a perfect day or flawless performance. Anyone who claims to have those things is faking it. There’s no need to gloss over our real struggles and mistakes. With Christ’s help, though, we can walk with the spirit daily: through the struggles and mistakes. With his help, the fruit of the spirit will start growing and flourishing in our lives, and the acts of the flesh will fade. As this transformation takes place, we'll see our relationships start to flourish as well, reflecting Christ himself! How beautiful! 
 


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What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.


For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. 
{Romans 6:1-6}

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